5 Men I Would Trust To Save My Life

5 Men I Would Trust To Save My Life

Disclaimer: This list was compiled based on fictional characters these men have portrayed over the years, not their real-life personalities. Should you run into any of these fellas on the street in reality, I cannot vouch for their life-saving capabilities. 

1. Mark Wahlberg

This seems like a no-brainer really, but I'll explain. First, he's not bad to look at. If I need saving, I'm obviously in a crisis situation, and nothing will calm my anxiety faster than the sight of a good-looking action hero who's come to rescue me. More importantly, he seems to know a lot of useful information. You may remember that in Shooter, he waltzed into a convenience store with a gunshot wound, gathered a strange set of supplies, and voila!--performed minor surgery on himself so that he could keep running from the government. Sure, there are lots of action stars who know useful information, but Mark Wahlberg has the added bonus of knowing these things without throwing them in your face.

Let me elaborate. Will Smith is a perfect example of the opposite of Mark Wahlberg, and the kind of personality I don't want with me if I'm being chased/assassinated/hunted down. Yeah, he may be strong and well-versed in being a cinematic badass, but he also always makes time for a lot of sarcastic comments. I don't have time to hear that kind of squawking if I'm about to die. I need someone to work through that shit in their head, and then tell me what we're going to do. There's only room for one person to be freaking out. 

2. Matt Damon

While he wasn't my first choice, it seems like a smart idea to have Matt Damon around if I'm in danger. Based on his character in the Bourne movies, this is the kind of guy who would do a great job of getting me out of a conspiracy situation. He doesn't trust anyone, so he won't get us involved with "the wrong kind of people". He also seems to be a quick thinker, and resourceful--remember that scene in Bourne Supremacy where he beats a guy with a textbook? Love that. As long as I can keep up with him, I'll be in good hands. 

3. Dexter Morgan

Yes, I know he's not a real person. But if he were, I'd love to have him on my side during tough times. Why? Well, obviously I don't want him as an enemy. Though I'd love to see him in his kill outfit, I really don't want to be on the receiving end of his dark passenger. If we're on the same team though, he would be endlessly valuable. Should someone end up dead (fingers crossed it won't be me) during whatever debacle I've gotten myself into, he clearly has a lot of knowledge surrounding the disposal of bodies. He also has access to police department databases, should we need to gather information on whatever people are after me in this scenario. Dex also has a real hatred for people who think they're above good ol' lady justice, which means that whoever messes with me will be instantly taken care of. 

4. Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo may work better as an alternate to a main life-saver, but he deserves to be on this list. If given the choice, I would tag him in if I find myself in some kind of life-threatening mindfuck. Judging from Inception, he seems to be adept at understanding a lot of very vague information, and I trust that should I ever wind up in some deep, deep dreamland murder scenario, he will get me out. Plus, he's proven time and again that he likes to try to do what's right. Assuming that I don't deserve to die, he should have no problem taking my side. And lastly, should I ever find myself with him in the freezing Atlantic, I know that he will let me float on the last piece of wood that exists while he freezes in the water. (However, unlike Kate Winslet, I would at least offer to share the piece of wood rather than hog it all for myself.)

5. Albus Dumbledore

This one only applies if I should find myself in a life-threatening magical quandary, but you never know what could happen, right? On the off chance that it does, there is no one who will know how to help me more than this man right here. He's powerful and knowledgeable, and even if I don't trust his directions in the moment, I'm sure I will understand their value in the end. The only downside to this choice is that he may get in one of his moods and will want to start philosophizing about good and evil, and how Harry Potter was The Chosen One and blah, blah, blah. Somehow, I'll have to break it to him that I don't have time for chit-chat. Just apparate me to safe place, teach me a protection enchantment, and I'll be on my way.